PBM!

Well if you haven’t noticed, I scheduled posts for when I am in Atlanta! I am hopefully enjoying my last day serving the Atlanta community. I hopefully have made new friends and have deepened my faith. I will be sure to recap when I get back. But I really wanted to participate in Hollie’s PBM Thursdays. This is for last week as I have no idea how I am feeling currently in Atlanta because I am not a fortune teller. (Remember this is a scheduled post!)

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Physically AND Mentally- this week they are the same. I was feeling pretty down on myself physically. I wasn’t having body hate or anything, but questioning my physical fitness activity. I was unsure if and when I should go to the gym or go on a run. Because I really do love to work up a sweat, but I get obsessive about my workouts. I never know when to stop. And I don’t listen to my body well at all. So everyday I feel like I should exercise. Not just walk, really sweat. And if I can’t figure out when that is going to be I get pretty anxious. And then I have days where I seriously do not feel like doing it. I don’t want to because I am so busy and would enjoy doing other things like studying or hanging with a friend more. So it is a constant battle. or it was until I spoke to my mom and therapist and they said it was OK to want to get in that needed physical activity. Sometimes I will make myself go to the gym because it has been too long and I know how important physical activity is for the body and for my health. My therapist related it to eating foods we don’t totally enjoy because we know they are healthy. Sometimes you just have to suck it up. Hearing this freed me and allowed me to look forward to my workout last Friday night. I jumped on that treadmill, set it for 30 minutes and let myself relax. I felt the strength of my legs and core and enjoyed every minute of that me time!

Brag. I made an awesome angel food cake for my mom’s birthday. And my parents said it is not only the best angel food cake they have ever had, but the best cake! I DID IT RIGHT! I feel so accomplished. Am I allowed one more brag? Well I am going to brag anyway. I have figured out that I love waking up early in the morning. That means setting an alarm even on break! When I wake up early it isn’t for exercise or studying, it is for me time. And parents time. My parents are both up going through their morning routines and I get to join them. It makes it so I get two times a day with them instead of the few hours when they get home from work before bedtime. I hope everyone can find the things that work best for them! Just remember what works for you probably doesn’t work so well for another even if that person is your twin!

Have a great Thursday! I cannot wait to be back reading all of your lovely posts 😀

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Mind and Body of a Year

Can anyone else believe that 2012 is almost over? I swear as I grow older (and hopefully wiser) the years seem to go by all too quickly. To be honest I never set up goals for the New Year because the last time I did that I became a Vegetarian, lost a bunch of weight, and let myself succumb to a pretty evil thing called an eating disorder. Now that I have felt safe in my recovery for several years, I want to try finding a couple things to accomplish/work on for the year 2013 but they haven’t come to me yet.

So what is this post about? Well it is THURSDAY! and that means Hollie’s PBMing day! This week is different than the rest however. Today I want to evaluate my physical and mental feelings for the year and my brag(s) of the year. Hollie you are awesome for coming up with this theme! Thanks 😀

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Physically: I began this year working out for 90 minutes and upwards on this little elliptical in this little dorm room gym. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I HATED it and so did my body. I wasn’t treating myself very well. I was eating a lot of stuff that I thought I should eat but not a whole lot that I wanted to eat. And I certainly wasn’t exercising because I loved it and wanted to do it. Fast forward to summer. I had gained a little weight. A little weight for someone who has suffered from anorexia is A LOT of weight. Thankfully my mom stepped in and helped me re-evaluate some things. As I regained the body I now love I also changed my exercise philosophy slowly but surely. No less than 90 minutes soon became an hour and not on the same machine. 6 days a week became o I don’t have time today, maybe tomorrow. If not I know I will find time some day. And I hate running became I don’t mind it and then my exercise of choice (after ab work and stretching- I am beast at those, just saying). So 2012 began not so good, but ended with me feeling better than ever. What a nice way to head into 2013!

Mentally: Honestly I have been all over the place mentally this year. There have been some real internal struggles that I have been battling with. School wise- I really stink at relaxing and taking breaks from studying. I overwhelm myself with knowledge and I do not give myself a break for not getting the grades I expect. Something to work on? I think so. ED wise- Yeah I went a few years in which the ED was almost dormant, yeah I had a few days in which it was rampant and all to present but for the most part it couldn’t control me. I think some of the stress I put on myself and my lack of self-evaluation allowed it to wake up a little bit. But guess what? I had the strength to fight it this time. I have a few more things to conquer that came up again when the ED thoughts started happening, but nothing I cannot handle with a little support from family and friends and a lot of strength and perseverance by yours truly.

Brag: Wow a whole year and only pick one brag? Yeah sorry that cannot happen! So here are my brags for the year.

1.) Being the only person to get an A on the final in biochemistry last Spring. That class was the hardest class of my undergrad so far. I worked my butt off, the tests were SO hard, and it took me all the way until the final to really understand it. But I never gave up.

2.) Becoming me again. I lost myself sophomore year. I was no longer doing things for myself, but instead following other people’s lead. Yeah, not good for me physically or mentally. But now I am back to walking to the beat of my own drummer, eating breakfast when I wake up, exercising when and how I want to, and living life the Shannon way.

3.) Learning to ask for help. I am no good at asking for help/expressing my true emotions. I think people will think I am over reacting (which I might be) or being stupid. But the thing is the concerns are real for me and I need to tell people that. And I started to do that this year. Especially with my mom and friends. Gone are the days that I keep all of my emotions bottled up. If I don’t say anything how were they supposed to know anything was wrong?

I hope everyone is having a wonderful Thursday! I am actually not home, but at Snowball Camp cooking up some delicious meals for some awesome campers! Be back Saturday afternoon!

 

Learning to Love Me

So Excited to PBM this week!

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But really I have wanted to PBM since Hollie started it but with school keeping me beyond busy I just couldn’t. And then when I could I avoided it. Why? Because loving yourself is hard to do. But this is just what I need to do. I need to love myself not just every Thursday, but every week. I am the type to focus on the negatives too much and discount the positives as if they are supposed to happen. And my positives and my expectations of myself are typically way too high. Ask me what doing well on an exam means and I used to say getting an A. But for anyone else I honestly believed a B on a college exam is fantastic… Just not for me. Then I started getting 100s on literally all of my regular exams. This isn’t bragging it is stating a fact. But then when I don’t get a 100 what will I do? Will I be OK with myself? The answer should be yes. Will I still celebrate? Again the answer should be heck yes. So beginning today I am going to celebrate myself: Mind and Body because I want to see myself as awesome. I want to love myself.

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Physically: O my lanta I have felt lovely this week. I feel like I can just go go go! Monday and Tuesday I had time to go to the gym and run (yes I am a treadmill runner, sorry, but I am a little intimidated by running outside). And then even after sitting in my car for a good 6 hours I didn’t feel like a couch potato today. My body is healthy and happy to move be it walking, running, cleaning, or jamming to this tune in the car.

Anyone else love the movie Bridesmaids???

Mentally: I feel weird. I just finished up my fall semester. For the past 3-4 months I have had classes to attend, books to read (because I actually read the textbooks I pay for), exams to study for, and a TON of flashcards to make. Now I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel guilty sitting down at my computer doing nothing but browsing for recipe ideas, reading blogs, tweeting, ect. because I feel like I am wasting my time. So naturally I am going to go out tomorrow and purchase the GRE book and start studying. I am also going to begin reading up on the research my professor suggested I read before January. Don’t worry I will take time to relax. I broke out a trashy romance novel Monday night and I love it! There will definitely (does anyone else spell that wrong every time???) be hours that will be devoted to a fantasy of what life would be like if love really happened like it does in historical romance. But reading research about metabolic regulation and hypotheses about the causes of insulin resistance and lack of fatty acid oxidation in obese individual’s skeletal muscle despite plenty of substrate is so fun for me. I told you before I am a metabolic nerd.

Brag: I have found what I love and have no doubts about it. I was a dancer for a loooong time and thought it was my passion and then was lost when I realized that maybe it wasn’t for me. How could I think I loved something for so long and then suddenly out of the blue start to hate it? Because it wasn’t the path for me. Who cares if you are good at something if you don’t love it? But nutrition and metabolic regulation? OMG I love it! I could go on and on for days about glycolysis and beta-oxidation in fed versus fasted states and in insulin resistance. It’s awesome, I love it, and I want it to be my whole life. Hello career goal.