Can anyone else believe that 2012 is almost over? I swear as I grow older (and hopefully wiser) the years seem to go by all too quickly. To be honest I never set up goals for the New Year because the last time I did that I became a Vegetarian, lost a bunch of weight, and let myself succumb to a pretty evil thing called an eating disorder. Now that I have felt safe in my recovery for several years, I want to try finding a couple things to accomplish/work on for the year 2013 but they haven’t come to me yet.
So what is this post about? Well it is THURSDAY! and that means Hollie’s PBMing day! This week is different than the rest however. Today I want to evaluate my physical and mental feelings for the year and my brag(s) of the year. Hollie you are awesome for coming up with this theme! Thanks 😀
Physically: I began this year working out for 90 minutes and upwards on this little elliptical in this little dorm room gym. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I HATED it and so did my body. I wasn’t treating myself very well. I was eating a lot of stuff that I thought I should eat but not a whole lot that I wanted to eat. And I certainly wasn’t exercising because I loved it and wanted to do it. Fast forward to summer. I had gained a little weight. A little weight for someone who has suffered from anorexia is A LOT of weight. Thankfully my mom stepped in and helped me re-evaluate some things. As I regained the body I now love I also changed my exercise philosophy slowly but surely. No less than 90 minutes soon became an hour and not on the same machine. 6 days a week became o I don’t have time today, maybe tomorrow. If not I know I will find time some day. And I hate running became I don’t mind it and then my exercise of choice (after ab work and stretching- I am beast at those, just saying). So 2012 began not so good, but ended with me feeling better than ever. What a nice way to head into 2013!
Mentally: Honestly I have been all over the place mentally this year. There have been some real internal struggles that I have been battling with. School wise- I really stink at relaxing and taking breaks from studying. I overwhelm myself with knowledge and I do not give myself a break for not getting the grades I expect. Something to work on? I think so. ED wise- Yeah I went a few years in which the ED was almost dormant, yeah I had a few days in which it was rampant and all to present but for the most part it couldn’t control me. I think some of the stress I put on myself and my lack of self-evaluation allowed it to wake up a little bit. But guess what? I had the strength to fight it this time. I have a few more things to conquer that came up again when the ED thoughts started happening, but nothing I cannot handle with a little support from family and friends and a lot of strength and perseverance by yours truly.
Brag: Wow a whole year and only pick one brag? Yeah sorry that cannot happen! So here are my brags for the year.
1.) Being the only person to get an A on the final in biochemistry last Spring. That class was the hardest class of my undergrad so far. I worked my butt off, the tests were SO hard, and it took me all the way until the final to really understand it. But I never gave up.
2.) Becoming me again. I lost myself sophomore year. I was no longer doing things for myself, but instead following other people’s lead. Yeah, not good for me physically or mentally. But now I am back to walking to the beat of my own drummer, eating breakfast when I wake up, exercising when and how I want to, and living life the Shannon way.
3.) Learning to ask for help. I am no good at asking for help/expressing my true emotions. I think people will think I am over reacting (which I might be) or being stupid. But the thing is the concerns are real for me and I need to tell people that. And I started to do that this year. Especially with my mom and friends. Gone are the days that I keep all of my emotions bottled up. If I don’t say anything how were they supposed to know anything was wrong?
I hope everyone is having a wonderful Thursday! I am actually not home, but at Snowball Camp cooking up some delicious meals for some awesome campers! Be back Saturday afternoon!