Clocks, Schedules, Planners…
Those things keep me sane. I like to wake up to an alarm because then I am assured at night that I will wake up with enough time to work out, or enough time to get ready, or enough time to eat a peaceful, comfortable breakfast. I like to have a schedule, that I keep in a planner by the time of each event, so that I know what I am doing each day, and to assure that I don’t have a single minute in which I am bored.
A few examples of my dependence…
- I eat my meals by the clock. Now I have gone into this before when I was talking about listening to my hunger. That is not exactly the point on this one. I have been instructed by my therapist to go back to an eating schedule, especially when I am stressed. I am in a new place and adjusting to my new schedule so eating by the clock is the smart thing to do to make sure I eat healthy foods that I enjoy. But sometimes (like in the summer or on the weekends when I have no plans) I am doing something on my to do list and I feel actual hunger. But do I eat? If it is the right time, yes I do. But if I have an hour until my normal time I usually wait. But that isn’t really the problem either, I would one day like to just get up and eat then but right now if my therapist says it is OK to wait then I am going to keep rolling with it. The real problem is when I go out with people and we have a day planned (beach, movies, sporting event…) and they get hungry and I am either not hungry or it is not time. I get uncomfortable and unsure about how I should eat. Should I wait? If I wait will there be an opportunity to eat again later?
- When plans change spur of the moment I am not calm. Oh I may appear calm on the outside, but inside I am saying ARE YOU KIDDING ME! I know most of the time those spur of the moment changes make for the best times. My freaking doesn’t stop me from enjoying the time or learning from my freak out. I am just saying I freak out a little when plans change.
- Finally, I live by the clock. I don’t think there is an hour in the day (except when I am sleeping soundly) that I don’t look at the clock. Now this is good in the sense that I am always on time. But it sure does make some tasks feel a lot longer. All of my experiences working or volunteering, for example, I remember looking at the clock and thinking towards the end. This sort of goes with Alex’s post the other day. I can never just live each hour in the present. I am always thinking to my next task. Never happy right where I am.
- Oh and one more thing (I know the # above says finally, sue me) I am really bad at wasting time. You may be thinking well duh. But really I am. I cannot just sit and twittle my thumbs. I bought things for my fun time I promised my therapist I would have 20 minutes of from now on. But when I have work to do I can’t help but think about how much time I am wasting.
Time is super important don’t get me wrong. College students struggle a ton with developing good time management skills. I am not one of those students in the sense of my studies. I am the opposite of most college students. Most think about the fun they want to have and fit in their homework around that time. I think about the work (homework, studying, cleaning, shopping) I need to do and then how everything else (time with friends, time by myself doing something like playing the Sims or coloring) fits into that. If school doesn’t fit in with that party that he/she really wants to go to the student will sometimes blow off school to another night even if it means cramming multiple subjects. Not me. If it doesn’t fit with my making the grade, I normally don’t do it. Don’t worry, I am working on changing this mindset. My goal this year is to find new things I enjoy outside of the classroom. Because I really do enjoy my time in class and my time studying. And the pay off is so rewarding. But the consequence is that I have like no social life, and I need one of those if I am going to have a happy life outside of academics. I won’t be in school forever you know!
So I am going to work on not looking at the clock constantly. Try going with the flow a little bit. Because let’s face it, if that fun adventure is when I was planning on studying I would normally say no. But I am always studying so I should go do that fun thing with people and then finish studying later. I have never been one to not finish my work and complete it with 100% effort so a little branching out won’t change that either. It just might change the when in when I do my homework or the when in the when I plan to go to bed.
So while most college student struggle with finding time to this:
I am going to to work on finding a little bit of this in my life:
Notice the misspelling of “time” It is intentional.